We have established the fact that I teach Pilates. And because it's me, weird things tend to happen during Pilates. I thought I should share a few, based on the fact that a bunch of them happened tonight.
1. A rogue window washer once appeared in my morning class and refused to leave until he got paid. Since I was the only employee there and he was a huge, stinky window washer, I had to get up during class and take him out in the hall, where I informed him in no uncertain terms that he could either leave and come back when someone who actually had money was there, or I could have the police come and haul him off. He left. But for a moment there I wasn't sure he was going to. And he didn't look like he wanted to join the class, or I'd have offered.
2. Sometimes really weird people come to my classes. I won't elaborate in case they're reading, but some of them are a little eccentric. Ok, I will elaborate. Tonight a lady came in fifteen minutes late, went and changed, then stuck her head in and said she had decided not to stay. Because her eyes were dilated. This struck me as odd. It struck me as odder when I was told by one of my students that she came to a class earlier in the week and refused to remove her cowboy boots. In case anyone is unfamiliar, Pilates is usually done barefoot.
3. Last week the alarm went off in the church we're renting space from, and none of the emergency contacts would answer their phones so I had to wait for the police, who told me that it was probably the lightening that set it off.
4. Tonight I was attacked by fire ants. While teaching. On my mat. They crawled all over me and gnawed on me. It wasn't fun. Oddly enough, no one else had ants on their mat or around it. THEY DID EXIST, PEOPLE. IT'S NOT IN MY HEAD. But the ants got in my hair, and thus, on my head.
5. The UPS man keeps coming in during class and making me sign for things. And I don't work for the church in any way shape or form.
6. People with dogs keep coming and watching us through the window. The dogs lick the window. It's quite distracting. One guy sat and picked petunias out of the pots outside our window.
7. Last but not least, today I was on the phone with my good friend, Nichole, as she was driving home from work in OK City. She saw a guy on a motorcycle so loaded down with junk it that you couldn't see any of the actual bike. He had a dog on his lap. Not a little one, either. Doing 80mph down the turnpike, on a bike so loaded down it was swerving, with a dog on his lap. Here's the kicker. Tonight, on my way home from work, I saw this guy. And his dog. A hundred miles and six hours after she saw him. Weird, huh? I called her and she was very happy to hear the dog survived. Neither of us cared that much about the dude, but we were concerned for the dog's welfare. That's how we roll 'round here. Oh, great, now I'm channeling a gangster!