The complete dictionary of our cats

People are always a little shocked at the number of cats who call this house home. Most days, I'm one of those shocked people. I don't honestly know how I came to be the crazy cat lady on the block, but those who know me well could have predicted it for some time before it actually happened. My parents, for instance, have probably know it was coming since I was a very small child.

In order to clear up some of the confusion over who's who, I've decided to put together a comprehensive list. These pictures are not all fantastic. Today I don't have the patience to go through years of pictures and find the best ones. But here they are, good pictures or not!

First, we have Eenie. She's known around here as Miss Mouse. She is our only permanent female cat, and she is spoiled rotten. One of our original litter of bottle babies, she is my favorite kitty, and she knows it. She reserves the right to kick any other cat off my lap, and to finish up anything I leave in my milk glass or ice cream bowl. She is very, very sweet, and just a little neurotic. In this picture, you can see her bald tummy. When she's feeling off, she pulls out her fur. I made her watch a special on tv about the disorder, and it seems to have helped her sort things out. Her fur is growing back nicely. Another month or so and she'll be back to her normal, lovely self.

Next, there's Meanie. He's also one of the original litter, and resident Chatty Cathy. He holds the notoriety of being the only kitten to have been mislabeled gender-wise, early on. (Well, up until the wild litter we caught a couple summers back! Sorry, Beth! I promise I didn't know Fred was female!) Meanie spent his early days as Chris' favorite, and was known as "Princess". One day, when he was about a month old, he was rolling around and I noted that "Princess" had some very unladylike parts. Chris has never forgiven Meanie. Meanie is a sweetheart. He loves to talk on the phone. Anytime it rings, he comes running and insists upon saying a few words. No, I'm not that crazy person who makes you talk to my cat when you call me. He just tends to speak over me.

This is Miney, also known as Lard. He's our Big Boy. He topped out at 19 pounds, but is now down a little from that. He's so tall, he can stand with his hind feet on the ground and his front feet on the counter. Despite being the biggest of our original litter (well, any litter, really) he is the resident Fraidy Cat. Everything terrifies him. Strangers, thunder, bugs, a baby mouse that Jack once caught...you name it, he will cower in fear over it. For those Monty Python fans out there, he's our Brave Sir Robin.

Moses is our most recent interloper on the permanent residents list. He is the reincarnation of my dear Mo, who died three years ago. The other cats can't stand him. He's an obnoxious whippersnapper. He has too much energy. He's never met a bit of people food he didn't love, and wouldn't steal right off your fork. I adore him. Well, except that he loves to nom expensive yarn. He gets his comeuppance for eating my yarn by being forced to model my knit and crochet projects.

Somewhere out there is a better picture of Jack. I'm sure of it. I just couldn't locate one. Jack is our oldest cat. At six, he's our Top Cat, and he doesn't tolerate any jumping ranks among the others. He is our escape artist, managing to con the kids into letting him escape at least once a day, it seems. He doesn't ever go far, mostly he just likes to make me chase him. He has huge quantities of dignity, and will only purr for me if there are no other cats in the room to see it happen.

Meet Elinor. She's one of our fosters. She's a total snuggle bum, and loves to have her belly rubbed. She mostly stays in Gabe's room, but likes to venture out in the evenings for a visit before bedtime. She's not a big fan of the other cats, excepting her sister, but she's learned to tolerate them. Mostly. Moses is enough to send her into a hissing, spitting fit. Then again, he has that affect on us all sometimes. You should have seen me the last time he ate my sock yarn.

Makinsie, Elinor's sister, is our Grumpy Old Lady. She's 12 years old, and would like a little peace and quiet. She'd also like the kids to stay off her lawn. She's very sweet with people, except for Timothy, but she doesn't care for any other cats but Elinor. She's hoping to find a quiet home where she can be an adored lap cat. She is one of the prettiest cats I've ever seen, and she reminds me of Giselle, my dearly departed childhood pet.

Now, for the outside crew. First we have Boris. We didn't much care for Boris at first. He was a bully. Then we gave him a little operation, and half a chance, and now he's our #1 porch kitty. Boris will let the kids do anything with him. This picture was taken shortly before they decided to decorate him with chalk. He has been offered a spot in the house several times when the weather was bad, but he and Jack can't agree on terms so he's never stayed long. He's Scrawny Cat's best buddy, although he refuses to admit it. They sleep in the same basket, paws wrapped around one another, and groom one another's faces, but if he thinks anyone's looking, all Scrawny will get from him is the back of his paw. He would love to find an indoor home where there is no alpha male to get on his nerves, and preferably one where Scrawny is welcome, too.

Horace is Boris' evil twin. He's far more of a bully than Boris ever was, but he's been much better since his operation. In this picture, he is very dirty from several rainy days in a row, and he had just had his little operation so he wasn't feeling his best. He's actually very pretty, when he's brushed and clean. He LOVES people. He's just not much of a fan of other cats. He'd also love it if someone took him home and spoiled him rotten. He's tired of life on the streets.

This is one of only a few pictures of Scrawny Cat. She's very shy. We started feeding her when she was a very frightened adolescent. We think she was born into the wild, although we have no idea who her mama might be, since all of the mama cats around here have been captured and spayed. We managed to capture her and spay her before she ever had kittens, and although she's still shy, she loves to be petted. You just have to be patient and let her come to you. She would make a great house cat for someone who wants a quiet, low maintenance kitty. We'd love to see her find a home with Boris, whom she clearly adores in a hero-worship kind of way. She isn't very fond of Timothy, since he insists on chasing her, but Gabe is her favorite person in the world. He was the first of any of us to be allowed to pet her.

There you have it! The complete guide to cats in our house! The last five are up for adoption, if anyone is interested. They are all spayed or neutered and have rabies shots, and Elinor and Makinsie are declawed and up to date on all shots. Please let me know if you're interested or know some one who might be! We really have far more than we would like to have, and I'd love to place the fosters in wonderful homes before the end of the year!