Disturbing announcements made by my children

Timothy came to me in a state of great excitement today to say that he now knows that "peanut butter does NOT have the pee in it like when you go to the bathroom, it's a different kind of pea". I am now left to ponder the disturbing thought that he's believed that it does contain pee like when you go to the bathroom all this time, and yet he still ate it.

Another list of things I never thought I'd have to say before I had kids...

1. No, I'm NOT going on The Biggest Loser because I am NOT obese, I'm pregnant!

2. You're right that it was never a rule before, but from here on out, please consider "do not put the cat in a crate and push him down the slide" to be one of our house rules!

3. Do I even want to know why this week's laundry contained 13 pairs of your socks, but only 4 pairs of your underpants?

4. It takes months and months, and the right conditions, to make wine! You are NOT making wine in my kitchen! Now be quiet and eat your grapes!!

5. No one is allowed to wear the toilet plunger as a hat. I don't care if your brother did it last week.

6. Are you sitting on my orange? (In the kids' defense, this was directed at the cat, and yes she was. I washed it and ate it anyway. I was hungry.)

It is a disturbing fact that numbers 2-6 were all uttered by me today.

A post about poop...

Just thought I'd share this disturbing story from yesterday. Timothy came out around bedtime holding a large sponge and looking sheepish. He announced to his father that he was done cleaning his shelf and could he please have dessert now. I looked up from my knitting and asked the seemingly innocent question, "What was wrong with your shelf?"

Timothy grinned rather wickedly and stated, "It was covered in poop! Daddy said I had to clean it up before I could have dessert."

My mouth dropped open and I turned to Chris. "You had him cleaning up poop? He's not old enough to do that by himself? What was it, cat poop?"

Chris said, "Nope, not cat poop."

This gave me pause. I finally worked up the nerve to ask, "Was it human poop?" I wasn't sure I wanted the answer to that one, really.

"Not exactly," was Chris' reply.

It took me a while to get the full story, but the long and short of it is that Chris had gone into the boys' room for something and discovered that Timothy had written the word "poop" no less than 20 times all over his white bookshelves in various shades of crayon. As Timothy later explained, "There was red poop and blue poop and orange poop...all the colors of poop."

It would be better if Timothy never knows how hard we laughed when he was safely in bed.